I’m a long-time an advocate for women (was a Women Studies minor at university), have worked in & now support women-owned businesses (throughout my career and with SassySEO.com), write about the beautiful women in my life (Real Beauty on this blog), attend business women events (Social Media Women, Network Central, Soroptimist International, Australian Businesswomen’s Network, etc), & now helping launch a women’s book later this year.

But today I’m thinking about what I say time & time again about women…that we need to own our accomplishments and act more confident about what we are doing and what we want to achieve. And we need to support other women in their journey. I am super blessed to know SO many smart women (all over the world) & meet so many AMAZING women everyday, but these 3 issues come up repeatedly.

These are generalisations from my own observations / experiences and not applicable to every person. I am not criticising, I am taking a stand and saying publicly (to my 3 followers) that I want to support women, be a good example (in case anyone needs one), and help all women accomplish their goals in any way I can.

Here are my ideas…they are simple yet powerful…

1 – Own Your Accomplishments – women achieve so much…we run businesses, we support the running of businesses, we run households, we raise children, we help others raise children…but we don’t give ourselves enough credit. We work hard and make a difference, not just to our families, but to our jobs, our communities and to each other.

2 – Act Confident – we do all this and remain humble, tear ourselves down, feel unappreciated, hesitate to take risks, & act grateful for any praise we get. That doesn’t help any of us — it doesn’t help those who may be struggling with self-esteem (like I have for many years) when we can all be great examples for other women who may not feel so confident about all the wonderful things they are already doing, and will do in their lives.

3 – Support Women – women have a bit of  a reputation sometimes for tearing each other down, competing with each other and not helping other women get ahead. This is not good for any of us. If you don’t do this – FANTASTIC – keep being incredible. If you do, read #1 & #2.

I believe if we do more of this, we can help more people — women and men — build smarter businesses, create better opportunities & solve bigger problems. How? By not letting anything hold us back from being exactly who we want to be, and achieve more than we ever thought we could.

Is it magic? No – it takes hard work, compassion, a sense of humour and drive to keep going even when things get tough.

Am I anti-man? No way! Men & women are equally important – we need each other. Our skills can balance, strengthen, compliment & support — and multiply our potential & our influence.

I’m not writing to be confrontational, I’m writing this because I want to be part of a solution to a problem I experience almost everyday. I like to help — this is my way of doing that.

How do you support women…and men? Go on…brag a little…I love it and want to celebrate you!

A couple years ago, we moved to the beach and I volunteered to deliver books to people. That’s how I met Isabel* – and she changed my life.

Isobel was beautiful because she was…Adventurous & Brave. She was one of the first female foreign correspondents during the war. She also founded and ran her own media firm in California for many years – I know she paved the way for many women in Media – and having a Journalism degree myself, she was an inspiration to me.

I enjoyed our time together – it was only for a few years, but I grew to care for her. Even though I brought books to Isobel, I got so much out of our visits. She amazed and amused me with her stories of the war, of her childhood and her career. And we always enjoyed a little cocktail during our chats.

It seemed she was never backed down from a new experience. Even when she moved to a new retirement community in her 90′s, she continued to look for fun. She played Bingo, attended the ice cream socials & movie nights, and attempted to start a newsletter. She didn’t become complacent and hide in her room – she kept active and alert – always on the lookout for a little fun.

I know she was part of the reason I was so excited move to Australia. And as sad as I was to leave her, I was proud to go on an international adventure like Isabel.

Thank you, Isabel – for all the fun and lovely chats (and the yummy cocktails). Thank you for your stories and for sharing your life with me. Thank you for inspiring me to be more adventurous – I think of you during my travels and hope you know you touched my life.

Cheers, darling – I raise my glass to you!

*named changed to protect the innocent

I’d be filthy rich if I was paid to read books – any books – and food labels, cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, website terms & conditions, trademark rules, curling iron manuals, cookbooks, etc. I remember loving books in kindergarten and reading the newspaper in grade one.

But it wasn’t until my 3rd grade teacher at Our Lady of Guadalupe in Hermosa Beach, Mrs. Kidwell, held a reading contest, did the fire really start of burn. There was a huge bug on the wall and each class member had a section of the bug’s body with our names. We received a star for every book we read.

As I do when I’m obsessed with something, I went overboard. I read book after book with a new found frenzy. I was insatiable. As I recall, the stars poured over my card an onto the bug’s body beneath it. And…I think I won – it made such an impression that I kept my bug body and stars – I still have them in my special keepsake box of my proudest accomplishments.

That’s what I remember most about Mrs. Kidwell. She put me in my first advanced reading group (I was rewarded for loving to read – yeah!) and fueled the fire.

Even though Mrs. Kidwell left on maternity leave during the year, I still consider 3rd grade one of the best (despite a Dorothy Hamill haircut and gauchos – just kidding, mum) because she challenged me and helped me discover one of my favourite hobbies.

I can’t believe she’s been at OLG for 25 years. She doesn’t look a day older than she used to and, is just as lovely and friendly. I can imagine the kids adore her as much as we did in 19-blahbadhi-blah-blah.

She was my mum’s teaching partner for a spell, too. My mum seemed to get all the best partners. I’m sure it was wonderful to be in the class with them — two hot mamas guiding the cute little kiddies.

Mrs. Kidwell, thank you for helping me discover my true love of reading. It is one the greatest gifts I’ve received and one of my best habits. You left a positive impression on me and I’ll always be grateful for your inspiration.

Happy Retirement!

Cheers, Kristin & Rob

When I was a wee one, I joined a leadership organisation called TACSC (The Association of Catholic Student Councils). Led by Marilyn Thickett (here’s Marilyn’s special tribute), I volunteered for many years (and worked for a few, too).

Marilyn’s gal Friday for quite of few of the early years was Sister Denis Anne. She was an incredibly cool chick. She was funny, spicy, straight-forward, and just a real comfortable and stable presence. I loved her immediately and enjoyed being a fellow staff member at summer conference.

When I arrived to high school, talk filled the halls about a stern sister. They were talking about Sister Denis Anne – I could not believe it! You see, I spent some of the most uplifting and awesome experiences with her and the rest of the TACSC staff.

But so many people didn’t get the fortunate opportunity to see her when she really shined. And she did – not in an American Idol way, but she was so real and true – and she loved every one of us.

I was one of the lucky ones. I laughed when people acted afraid of her. And I understand that is an easy judgment for the Girls Dean of a super Catholic School. But she always had a mischievous twinkle in her eye – that’s what I loved most about her.

After high school, I had an operation and had to spend time in hospital. It gets pretty lonely there, and an easy place to wallow. I was feeling sorry for myself and nervous I wouldn’t recover in time to go to University (and follow in the path of my favourite movie, Animal House). So you can imagine how pathetic I was.

But the best memory I have of that experience – the turning point – was when I opened my eyes from a nap and saw Sister Denis Anne and Marilyn at the foot of my bed. It was one of the nicest things to have happened to me. I don’t think I ever told either of them what it meant to have two such lovely and important ladies visiting me, but I felt like a VIP from that point.

Over the years, I saw her – she always had that twinkle and sassy nature. I stayed in touch with her and sent her cards when she was retired. But her health was declining. But I still wrote to her even though I didn’t know if she remembered me. It didn’t matter. I didn’t want her to forget how much someone loved her.

But there are so many people who cared for her. She wasn’t scary or un-hip. She was full of love and totally approachable.

She’s now another angel in my life. I’m sad I won’t be able to say a formal goodbye at her funeral, but just writing this post makes me feel closer to her.

Love you, Sister Denis Anne – thanks for shining so bright and warming me with your best self.

I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for it, right? Well, here it is – I do hope to publish it one day – and I’ll keep adding to it since there are gazillion beautiful women with a scrillion beautiful qualities. I plan to meet and write about as many as I possibly can.

Who needs any more negative, bad, sad, depressing, greedy, angry news? Not me.

Enjoy, my friends!

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Real Beauty Overview
I’ve read many books and magazines about beauty. Some discuss how to achieve outer beauty –
including cosmetics, exercise, and diet. And some discuss the importance of inner beauty – letting your inner light shine. I think they all help a little. But, what if you are like me, and lack the confidence in believing in your own unique beauty? I used to feel I had to have every quality in spades to be beautiful – inside and out. That’s too much pressure. No one can achieve that and still have time to enjoy themselves. But I can admire all these qualities and want to have a little of every one of them in me.

And that’s when I discovered living models of all the beautiful qualities I wanted and admired. I’m so lucky to know many beautiful women. And instead of being jealous and competing with them, I started to embrace them and love them for what made them so lovely. I realized that just because they had wonderful qualities, didn’t mean I didn’t, or couldn’t. It made it more possible for me to appreciate them and learn about them.

I spent my life afraid that people wouldn’t like me if I wasn’t perfect – if I didn’t posses every great
quality. I learned, with the help of some great people, that being genuine is the most beautiful gift I can give myself and others. Is being beautiful the most important goal to have? No, but feeling beautiful means a lot to me. And maybe it means something to other women.

So why am I writing this? Because there are so many books that separate women, that claim we aren’t good enough, smart enough, efficient enough, and powerful enough without professional help. There are so many articles out there that claim we NEED these tips, these connections, these buzzwords, these accessories, the pills, these surgeries and we need to spend all this money to be important. But we just need to be ourselves and let our light shine naturally. We don’t need coaching, or therapy, or drugs to bring out our BEST SELF. And I know women to prove it. Are some of these enjoyable? Do they help?

Sure they do – but they aren’t imperative to our thriving and surviving.

I’ve been afraid to age. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. What will happen when I lose my youth? What will I have to offer? Who will love me? Who will admire me? Who will think I’m
beautiful? It’s silly but I’m sure there are other people out there like me, otherwise there would be no cosmetics, plastic surgery, diet pills, or miracle drugs. But I know plenty of gorgeous ladies who don’t go to extremes. What is it about them? It’s their natural beauty. They embrace their individuality and uniqueness. That’s what makes them beautiful.

So I decided, as a thank you to them, I’d share my appreciation and stories. I’m sure many of them will be surprised or embarrassed. I would be. I’m a little surprised and embarrassed writing this. But I don’t feel our world values and honors women and their qualities enough. But I do. And I’m doing something about it. I want to encourage all women to find their unique qualities and let them shine. Our society and our young women need them. I need them.

These are my least favourite posts, but I consider myself lucky to have known such incredible people to write about and remember.

When I decided to write my book, Real Beauty, (Real Beauty Book Overview), I wanted to honour all the awesome women in my life and share the qualities that make them beautiful. I’m happy to add to my list, even though I’m upset to lose a friend.

About a year ago, I joined an amazing group, Soroptimist of Capitola (www.best4women.org). It’s an international organisation dedicated to bettering the lives of women and girls everywhere. It was one of the best things I’ve done for myself and have met the most fabulous women ever.

One of these women was MaryAnn. Right from the beginning, she took me under her wing. I loved her immediately. She was a long time member of Soroptimist – most recently from the Capitola club but previously belonged to the Watsonville club, too. She knew everyone!

I respected MaryAnn because she was honest, fiesty and strong. She was a proud and beautiful woman. Whenever she talked to me, she kept her head up and looked me straight in the eye. She didn’t seem afraid of anything. I could feel her confidence and bask in it, even when I was feeling unsure of myself or nervous.

I always enjoyed seeing her and her darling husband, Norm, at the Mid County Senior Center Ranch Breakfast http://www.mid-county-center.org/bkfst.shtml. It was one of the highlights for me each month. She didn’t mind when all the girls flirted with Norm. She knew she had a prince for a husband – so did all the other girls!

I especially enjoyed going to events with MaryAnn. We attended a Soroptimist event in Watsonville and she introduced me to anyone who came our way. She helped me feel comfortable and accepted. Joining a new group is hard, but she never let me feel anxious or alone. We drove around after the event and she shared her old neighborhood me. I felt I knew her so much better because she was generous with her time and her stories.

She was the last Capitola Soroptimist member I saw. I couldn’t leave town without saying good-bye one more time. I’m glad I did. It was a very hard thing for me to do – because I hate saying good-bye. I’ll avoid it at all costs. I just like to fade into the sunset. But she and Norm had come to mean so much to me, that I sucked it up and popped by her place on our way out of town. I could tell she was sad but she kept her head up and looked straight at me to say good-bye.

I wish I could be brave like MaryAnn. I think of her when I feel wimpy and need to toughen up a bit. I’ll always appreciate the time I spent with her.

I’m sorry I didn’t get to see her again. But I know the time I spent with her was special. I loved her fiercely and I will remember her fondly.

Cheers, MaryAnn – I raise a toast (champagne, of course) to you, and will miss your sweet smile and sassy nature.

It’s hard to say goodbye to people I love. And I’m lucky to have had and continue to have (too many words) so many fabulous people that I love. One such chap surprisingly came into my life through my husband, Rob. Bob was my husband’s step-grandfather and one of the gentlemen my husband most admired. I grew to admire him, as well. Bob made a place in my heart rather quickly and I enjoyed all the time we spent with him.

I first wrote about Bob here: http://kristinrohan.com/2007/03/19/the-lords-are-still-leaping/. I never got enough of Bob, but the time spent with him was invigorating, meaningful and fun. He was sharper than any 89-year-old could be. I had to keep on my toes around him, especially playing backgammon, because he was a madman on the board. There was a light inside of him that did not ever fade – even the last time we saw him. He was alert, funny and full of the dickens. I will miss him.

The best way I can share Bob is through this letter I wrote to Nora Roberts (www.noraroberts.com – his one and only favorite author) for his birthday last year. Bob was a class act and my life is happier for knowing him. He’s still here, you know – and will be every time I drink Rum or Johnny Walker Red, and read a Nora Roberts book.

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Hello Ms. Roberts,

Hope you are well. I have a friend – actually he is my step-grandfather, and is very dear to me. He is a super-huge fan of yours. Actually, he really only reads your books. Since I am quite of a fan myself, we’ve developed a strong bond over the last few years.

Bob is in his late eighties – he’s homebound but very sharp. I love him so much and always look for something new to send him. I give him a lot of your books (after I read them, of course) and he is SOO happy to receive them. I’m sure he’s like me, and reads them over and over. I have a hard time parting with them, but, for Bob, it’s worth it.

About 2 years ago, my husband and I went to Puerto Vallarta for vacation with Bob and my husbands step-mom. We had a ton of your books to read. And we did. Every morning, Bob and I would get up before everyone, have some rum and start reading. We did a lot of bonding that week – it was probably one of the most meaningful times I’ve had. I have to say, it’s because we shared the love of your books that brought us close. When I left, both of use were teary but happy to have spent so much time together.

So, thanks for helping two people grow close and for writing such kickin’ books. I couldn’t even tell you my favorites – I think the Born in Ice, Fire and Shame are a few.

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Gracias, Bob – Te Amo and Salud – hope you are water skiing the hell out of heaven!

As we move into 2008, I want to share with you how my book (Real Beauty Book Overview) started. I know you are all at the edge of you seat.

I’m proud to share all my Real Beauties with you, but let’s start at the very beginning…a very good place to…you know what I mean.

Happy 2008, my friends. I’m enchanted to introduce you to my muse.

Aunt Lolly is beautiful because she is…..KIND. Of all the extraordinary women in my life, the one who first inspired me to write this book was my Aunt Lolly. I wish everyone would have known her because she was the kindest person I’ve known. She died about 7 years ago and I still miss her a lot. I can still remember her as vividly as her bright red hair.

I introduced her here: http://kristinrohan.com/2006/07/23/appending-the-eighth-day-of-christmas…/ but I have so many more anecdotes to share. She was amazing.

Aunt Lolly was always excited and happy to talk to me and see me – like I was a very special and important VIP. She treated everyone that way. She would listen for hours to everything I said – no matter how mundane – and would always say, “Is that right?” or “Well, I’ll be darned.” Her eyes would sparkle and she would serve crackers, cheese and salami as if we were having high tea – she was the perfect hostess. It was special time with her and my Uncle Andy. Those were my favorite visits.

She wrote me the nicest letters. Her love would jump right off the pages and give me a hug. I felt close to her no matter where I was. Aunt Lolly had a sense of wonder and an interest in everything. And she had traveled around the world and knew important people. But it never stopped her from being kind to anyone she met.

She wasn’t rude or impatient – she always looked out for us. At my cousin’s wedding (Aunt Lol was in her late 80’s), she wanted to know who I thought was cute so she could set me up. She was always a hoot!

Aunt Lolly had a grand sense of humor, too. She and Uncle Andy used to spend the night at Christmas sometimes and hide some of our toys so we would have incomplete gifts. We’d have to looking for them and we had a ball. I was always smiling and laughing with Aunt Lol. We were her kids. She and Uncle Andy didn’t have any. She spoiled us and loved us and was proud of us as much as if we were hers. I considered myself lucky to have an extra grandma and grandpa – to add to my stellar collection of grandparents.

Aunt Lolly was polite and thoughtful till the day she died. My dad was the power of attorney and had to handle the tough business – it was very hard for him and I knew he struggled. The night before he had to decide about her, she quietly slipped away and he didn’t have to make any decisions. She was thoughtful and a true lady until the end.

At her funeral, I was thinking about Aunt Lolly and a song lyric kept playing in my head – “Only Kindness Matters.” I couldn’t hear anything else. That is one of the most powerful lessons I learned from her – only kindess matters. She lived her life like that, and that is her legacy.

I never think about her without a smile on her face or without her arms reaching out to me – whether it was to serve cheese and crackers to her guests, or to hug us – Aunt Lolly was always ready to welcome you into her life. I try to make her proud everyday – I don’t know how she made it all look so easy, but she was always beautiful.

Cheers, Aunt Lolly. Thanks for inspiring me to explore what Real Beauty is.
Real Beauty Book Overview

Here is an overview of my soon-to-be best seller – you can say you knew me when…..Real Beauty Book Overview

Sit back and enjoy!

Carol is beautiful because she is…..ACCEPTING and DEDICATED TO FAMILY. There are a lot of reasons I love her – but these are two of the most prevalent and admirable. You only have to spend a few minutes in her company to know how important it is for her to have her family close. And I don’t mean her husband, Jack and her two sons Greg & Eric. I mean anyone who comes to her home. She treats everyone like family. I’ve never known anyone more welcoming and hospitable than my Aunt Carol. And to me that is quite beautiful.

Carol doesn’t care if her house isn’t perfectly picked up when guests arrive. You’ll be accepted and hustled in before you know what is happening. She doesn’t care if you are staying one, two or three days. She opens her house to everyone. It is tradition to celebrate Thanksgiving at Carol’s each year. I always intend to stay one or two nights and not impose too much. But once I walk through that door, I want to be there all weekend. I never know who will end up at her table – but I know Carol will make them feel part of the bunch.

I’ve never felt more welcome or less of a bother almost anywhere else. And though I know most people WANT to create a comfortable atmosphere for their guests, it pales in comparison to Carol. And that’s because she accepts everyone for who they are and makes them feel good about it.

Carol creates a traditional Thanksgiving dinner each year. I count on the best turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and all the fixings. I never really cared for Thanksgiving very much, but as each year has gone by, the more I have appreciated being at her house surrounded by all the good memories, good food and lively conversation. It’s become one of my favorite holidays – having the family together. I know it means a lot to Carol. As much as I like to be cared for, doted upon and included in the group, I know she does, too.

When I first moved to San Jose to attend SJSU, I was nervous to be away from home. But knowing she was only a short distance away, I know I would always have a place to go whenever I needed one. I know this is true today – even though she now lives in Oregon. There was not an Easter or Thanksgiving, when they lived in Morgan Hill, that I didn’t get an invitation. I know Carol always looks forward to seeing my husband and me. And we enjoy spending time with her. I’ve never doubted her love for us.

I find it challenging sometimes to invite people into my life or my home – schedules are tight, priorities are stifling, or we just need some time alone. But I think of Carol and know I shouldn’t be so concerned or stingy with my time and space. She’s one of the best examples of unselfish and non-judgmental love I’ve witnessed. I wish I could see more for her. I only hope she knows how appreciated she is and what her true friendship means to me.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Carol. Thank you for showing me how to be more accepting and dedicated. I appreciate your example and love you to pieces.

I am heartbroken – I’ll start with that. This is my favorite restaurant. And Cheryl and Papa are the most gracious hosts who belt out a rousing “New York, New York” that leaves my heart happy and my soul refreshed. I’ve not had an experience at a restaurant EVER and if you missed going to this piece of heaven, I’m sorry for you.

I’ll start with the Eggplant Parmesan – it’s to die for. It melts on my mouth and sends me to the moon. The Huevos Rancheros is a pleasant surprise – filled to the rim with yummyness. The Tomato Basil Soup is nector from the gods and whatever the special Poblano Chile Mexican soup they served on December 15th was like transcending into another orbit – it was THE BEST soup I ever experienced.

Why am I writing now? Well, it’s a sad shame to see this place go away. It sits three houses down from us and I’ve not met a nicer, more giving, energetic, charismatic, genuine and happy couple that Papa O and Cheryl. I’ve appreciated the super times we’ve had and I want my 5 readers to know it.

And who knew that a place that people stand in line down the block to get in to eat the most excellent meal they ever have (until they visit again) from a crew of friendly and gracious people you feel related to after your meal WOULD CLOSE!?! The extra kicker is the accordian player – who always played my favorites Jesu Joy of Man’s Desire and The Girl from Ipanema – it just doesn’t get any better.

But I’m grateful we were able to experience nirvana dining from Cheryl and Papa. The day I met them in person was like meeting two movie stars. I was so tickled to meet such nice people whom I had seen (and heard great things of) in the paper, around town, and in Nob Hill Foods at 6am. Everyone talks of them with such warmth and admiration.

Okay – my last gush – my birthday was last week. We went to dinner at Papa O’s. They remembered it was my special day and treated me like a queen. I loved it – but it did not compare to the elation and pure joy I felt when Papa O sang me Happy Birthday over the most sinful Chocolate Cake! I didn’t know I could smile from the inside out – I’m sure I looked like a goof, but it was the perfect ending to a perfect day. Thank you.

Thanks, Papa and Cheryl, for giving Capitola the finest example of what restaurant dining should be. You have touched my life (and my stomach) with your gifts of food, generosity, and friendship. Capitola is a better place because of Papa O’s and I’m a better (a little tubbier, but a lot happier) person, too. We will miss you but, wish you laughter, fun and happy times.

Cheers!