I thought it appropriate to start reading my book “The Art of War for Women” by Ching-Ning Chu in honour of the launch of Social Media Women in Sydney (of which I’m a proud supporter of more women using social media) on 9 March.

I hope to learn some new tactics in my book which was graciously sent to me by Treeet. As you may know, I love love love to read so getting a new book is a special “treat” – ahah! The Sassy Assassin (that’s me) needs all the help she can get. Watch out, here I come!

Instead of waiting until the end to do my book report, I thought I’d share my insights along the journey – that way we can all learn to be better strategic women – haha!

This book is adapted for women based on Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War”. This is brilliant because I believe men and women are different and we process and use information differently.

I’m being general here but men and women can have different strengths and different communication styles, different ways of dealing with problems and responding to situations. Neither is better – just different and both are equally important.

Now that I’ve been married to my wonderful husband for a few years, I can vouch this to be true for us. But enough about me (can you believe I really don’t like to talk about myself?!)…on to the good stuff!

From the first sentence in the preface, I was hooked. The first part is called “It’s about the art, not the war.” This is why this book is so perfect for me. I don’t like to fight. I like to strategise, research, recommend, implement, measure,report, optimise and repeat. Probably why SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) is a perfect job for TheSassySEO (that’s me, too).

I am not against conflict – I think it’s great – if both parties are open to learn, understand and resolve. I don’t believe anyone really wins by fighting.

So the fact this book started with “it’s about the art, not the war” is gold! I live to make progress with little conflict – HORRAY! I don’t like anyone to feel bad about themselves or feel defeated. I have felt that way many times and it’s no good.

I’m heartened that the key to this book is about “understanding myself”. I have to help myself before I can help others and seek to better myself so I can be more valuable.

The other greatest notion to come out of the preface is that integrating my ethics into my practices is necessary. I’m hot for this.

Lastly, to succeed, having the big picture in mind (long-term strategy & tactics) is critical, too. I think this book was written just for me.

So…Xie Xie, Chin-Ning – I just started the book and something has already changed inside me…for good (Thank you Wicked!)

See you soon – we may get to chapter one by 2011…

(An aside – here are two pics of the show – one before and one at the end – dancing and crying room only):

This got me thinking about how I sometimes live inside my head and dwell on stress, worry, judgments, fairness (or unfairness) and disappointments – and I occasionally miss enjoying the awesome moments in my life.

Well, no more!

A while ago, I decided to create a new mantra to help me deal with challenging people – knowing it’s me who has to change, not them. I was tired of being disillusioned and left feeling angry or crabby.

The mantra? H.E.L.P – pretty simple, huh? Yet it took me the whole 39 years of my life (or 29 according to my darling husband) to create this. It means I’m praying for Happiness, Empathy, Love and Peace for this person, and for myself. And it worked pretty well.

But I was upset when things didn’t pan out how I anticipated. I was working hard to make a difference and believed I deserved certain outcomes. I would try to envision abundance and happiness – and it worked to a degree – but I could still work myself up into a snit when things didn’t go my way.

My husband said – let go of my expectations, don’t attach yourself to the outcomes – of course, Zen Rohan – and he’s right – but I don’t just jump paths and start skipping to a new tune without pondering, visualising, and holding a personal pep rally (including new outfit, inspirational song, and interpretive dance to commemorate the occasion).

So, in true Sweet & Sassy Style, I decided to embrace my ANGELS and kick out the DEMONS.

What else would you expect from a Straight-A, Catholic school girl, certified former cheerleader and journalism major with a proofreading pet peeve? I like to spell things out…correctly.

Kicking out the DEMONS:
I will let go of my Delusions/Distress, Ego, Madness (as in anger, not insanity, pardon you), Onerousness, Negativity, and Sentencing/Skeptical nature.

Embracing my ANGELS:
I will Accept, Nurture, be more Grateful/Generous, Encourage, be Light (as in less serious, not low fat), and Surrender my expectations.

Why am I sharing this with my 2 readers – and all the lovely loyal spambots that visit my site at an excruitating rate?

Firstly, everything is a good idea at 5am. Secondly, I don’t want to miss out on all the awesome experiences I have by letting my dark side (aka Darth Rohan) overshadow my better self.

To be honest, I don’t think I’m a monster. But when I arrived in Sydney, I decided to change/tweak the parts of my self that I didn’t like so much. These are them.

Now if I can just finish my Advent postings by next Christmas, I’ll be batting 1000. Hey, procrastination wasn’t one of my resolutions…

*****************************
This is a story about my husband, my best friend, my heart,
Who is sexy, and funny and much too smart.

Though he’ll deny he’s the most fabulous man in my life,
I say the proudest role I have is being his wife.

It was the morning of Feb 4, at 7:15,
My husband and I could not have forseen.

A potential disaster awaiting us down at the beach,
Thank goodness I was not out of my husband’s reach.

As we walked in the crosswalk on Esplanade & Cliff Drive,
My husband, my protector, took a terrible dive.

When a white car came toward us, a teenage boy behind the wheel,
Who didn’t stop when he saw us, it was all so surreal.

My husband grabbed me, and threw me out of harm’s way,
But the jalopy clipped my husband, on that terrible day.

We went flying, with hot coffee, detox juice and all,
Everything landed on my husband and he broke my fall.

The punk stopped just long enough so I could shout,
“You hit my husband” as I followed him, and shook my finger about.

For there was my sweetheart who had just had a fright,
But he was more worried about me running out of his sight.

He couldn’t protect me if I was too far away,
My love for him grew so much stronger that day.

I’m the luckiest lady to have a husband so great,
But I think we won’t go walking again before eight.

Okay, okay – I’m finally on my last day of Christmas. I know there are 12 days of Christmas but I seemed to have gotten confused (easy, I know) and wrote 12 when I thought it was 10 – blah, blah, blah – can you tell me you know the days of Christmas in order? Maybe from Five Golden Rings on down…You know what I’m saying.

Anyhoo – here I am – left to ponder on piping pipers. I think of getting on a soap box and tooting my own agenda and opinions. I do it. I admit it. I try to curb it. Don’t tell me how I’m doing. I’m working on it.

But I’ve really been working on listening to other people more – I don’t really like to talk about myself, but I do. But if I HAD to get on my soapbox about something here it is…..

The world is a beautiful place. The state of society scares and depresses me. I think our morals, manners, and relationships are going downhill. We buy gadgets that are supposed to save time – do you have more time? Do you fill it using other gadgets? We are losing contact with each other. We talk AT each other, not with each other. Conversations consist of movie stars and what’s on television. Emails are rude and full of jargon like “ping” and “at the end of the day” and “that being said” and “moving forward” – be honest – how many emails do you get with those phrases?

I don’t see or hear much of “please” and “thank you.” Work consists of moving up the food chain – not working in teams. We are not good examples to the next generation – that is why I think a lot of them are lost, have bad behaviors and not a lot of direction. This is our fault.

OKAY, I know, this is a generalization and not everyone is that bad – but it boils down to this for me: We are not in tune with nature. We don’t act peacefully – we don’t give back what nature gives to us. I am guilty of it, too, but I’m changing. I want to add to the positive aura of the world, not the negative. I want to be happy not right – you read it here first! I want to help heal the earth. That’s more than any protest will do; more than recycling will do; more than voting will do – all those are valid and important, but peace, beauty, love, kindness all begin inside me and inside you.

I’m lucky to know a lot of wonderful men and women whom you’ve met along the journey of my blog. I looked inside each one to find redeeming qualities (it wasn’t hard, they were obvious). It’s been an awesome exercise because I’m now doing this with everyone. I don’t get along with everyone – different values, different paths, different priorities. But to keep with the peace theme, I find it better to look for someone’s good qualities more than the ones that repel me. I then have compassion and more understanding of them.

So, as they say in Yoga Booty Ballet (don’t laugh, it’s awesome) – Spread Love – the spirit in me respects the spirit in you and all that hullabaloo. Take it with you and stuff.

Merry Christmas ~~~~~ k

So when I left off a hundred years ago, I was bragging about my hubbie and my pops – 2 great men of any time. But I’m not done. I have some other great men to share with…well, myself….

My brother Eddie – so I wrote about Andy (hey, brother) in an earlier blog – but this is the other brother. Here’s what I admire most about him – he talks to everyone. He’s friendly to anyone (not just hot girls) and welcomes them into the conversation, no matter what. He’s not shy, but pretty generous with his time. He’s good with kids and he’s a nice guy.

He’s also very well-rounded – he tries all sorts of new adventures (http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8Ict2bZwyashu) and he has good manners. He tries to fit into the environment and doesn’t try to make the environment fit him. That’s pretty cool.

Here’s one quick story – before I learned how to play golf, he took me to hit balls – he asked me if I wanted to try – didn’t push me – he told me I could be good and was nice about it, not pushy. So I took lessons and he took me out for my first official game – with his buddies, almost all men on the course. But you know what? He was really cool and didn’t boss me around. He probably knew how nervous I was but he coached me in a way that made me feel comfortable and confident. I used to cringe whenever I saw a man trying to teach a woman to golf – they are impatient and not very nice – but not my bro. I probably love golf so much because he helped me have some good experiences. Thanks, Spag-eddie.

My Papa Vern was a gentle and loving soul. He was so talented with wood – he could make anything – like my dad – and he loved us grandkids. He would make us the yummiest skinny pancakes – I can still smell them when he and my grandma visited from Washington. One time when my family went to WA and climbed Hurricane Mountain, I was being a brat (novel, I know) and didn’t want to walk by myself. He carried me a long way so I wouldn’t be tired. What a champ.

My Papa Harry was a true gentleman and a scholar – he was a college professor and always asked about what I was learning in school. He was a happy man – I remember his laugh so vividly – and he loved to read….just like me. He had such a strong faith and always wrote me letters telling me how much he was thinking about me and praying for me. He was generous with his time (always helping out at church) and loved my mom’s tacos (who doesn’t?). I was lucky to see him so many Sundays when he came over for dinner. He, like Papa Vern, was the perfect grandpa.

My Uncle Bob (my god father), is a pretty talented guy – he cooks the best food – chorizo, enchiladas, any kind of meat – and is an avid reader, too. He’s a dedicated dad and grandad and is quite a talented skier. He took me on my first ski trip and made sure I took lessons and that I was enjoying it. He and my Aunt Toni always made me feel welcome in their home – even when I show up last minute for Easter. They just move the chairs and pop another plate on the table. If you can have one of my Uncle’s homecooked meals, you will have a happy stomach. Yum!

My Uncle Andy (married to Aunt Lolly) was another hip cat. He played golf and wore the coolest black beret. I don’t ever remember him without a smile on his face. He always said, “boy oh boy” like he was always excited about what was happening. Even when he was very sick in the hospital, I don’t remember him being anything but smiling and interested in what everyone was saying. He and my Aunt Lol were the funnest couple (besides my parents – oh, and my husband and me – haha!).

My step-grandpa Bob is the most awesome guy I know. He’s been around the world and had an incredible life. I met him a few years ago but I love him fiercely. We were so lucky to spend a week with him in Mexico and few years back and the best times I had were sitting around, drinking rum and reading trashy novels with him. There aren’t too many cool cats around anymore, but he is the king. Though he’s on my husband’s side of the family, I think of him as my own grandpa and I have a huge soft spot for him in my heart.

A few other noteworthy dudes – my buddy Eric taught me the finer qualities of corporate behavior – whether we were smoking cigarettes and drinking beer in the office after hours, or yelling at each other before 8am. or being threatened to paying for lame mistakes that happened (did you know December does not have 30 days?) – it was never a dull moment when he’s around. He lives in Denver now with his lovely wife and 2 (hopefully wild and crazy) boys. But the best times I had at the ad agency I worked at were fighting, drinking and yelling with him.

My buddy Jay was my best friend in Pacifica – he was my first friend – and if it wasn’t for Jay, I wouldn’t have met my husband. Jay was a crybaby – but he had the biggest, most generous heart of anyone I’ve ever met. He would give away his shirt if someone (preferably a hot guy) asked for it. We would spend hours gossiping and laughing. I didn’t know I could laugh that much! Jay was so outrageous, and everyone loved him – you couldn’t help it – even if you tried. He was one of the purest souls and truest friends I’ve ever known.

Lastly, my buddy Sean is the FUNNEST guy everyone has ever met. And he knows EVERYONE. And from his myspace page (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=60472504) – this says it all – all the hot chicks – but I know his dude friends are the most important. He’s a real catch, so I know some smart gal is going to snap him up – and she will be the lucky one.

The dudes are just as special as the ladies – I love them all the same – different but all grand. And they all have one thing in common….kristin! isn’t that fabulous!?!

Hold on to your hats and glasses, I’m switching gears. I blab on and on about how wonderful women are. And I believe it. I believe women are goddesses – the absolute beauty of this world. This does not mean I hate men – it’s the complete opposite. I love men. They are as important as women – there’s no us without them. There has to be a balance – a ying and yang. (This is not a political blog – it’s an appreciative blog. No matter what your gender, orientation, lifestyle, whatever – We are all in this world together and we need each other to survive.)

If it weren’t for men, I would probably have been a nun – but I discovered boys in kindergarten, so that lofty career went out the window. But besides being boy crazy since 6, I’ve been blessed to know some of the most amazing men on the planet. Here’s my short-list….I can’t tell you how much these men mean to me – each of them have played a special role in my life and I’m a better person for it.

My Pops – my dad is the best dad. This man built a playhouse for me, raked leaves for me to jump in, took me to the park, let me hide his screwdrivers, drove me to school (one day we missed my school and drove to his school because we were talking), drove me to college every year, moved me in and out of many places….and the list goes on.

And after all that he still builds me furniture, makes me CD’s of all kinds of crazy music, sends me funny articles on email, loves my burnt cookies and lets me keep my 8 (not 11) boxes of childhood treasures in the garage. He always checks in on us, and, like my mom, never stopped being a good parent. My parents are two of the most loyal, upright, fun and generous people I know. And the best thing my dad did for me, is to be a great man so I would choose someone just like him to be my husband.

Rob – my hubba hubbie – I won’t say to much because he’s about the only person who reads my blog and hates when anyone says anything nice about him. But I’ll tell you this much – I’m the luckiest wife on earth – I have a husband who thinks I’m beautiful.

What more do I need to say – besides this…he goes to the Beach Boys with me 2 times a year – and he goes to musicals (Rent is his favorite – not really – and Les Miserables wasn’t miserable enough – I won’t even comment on Mamma Mia), and the Renaissance Faire, any Art & Wine Festival and any local live band that suits my fancy – and all the parties, too. He carries heavy things, too.

He’s a computer geek (I prefer genius) and he invents stuff – www.robrohan.com – he will help you with whatever you need. He has scads of integrity – he’s like a gallant knight – and let’s me win Candyland. For every woman looking for a wonderful man, go find a Rob – you’ll thank me!

Okay – stay tuned – I’m just getting warmed up. More tomorrow – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

So…as I continue to ponder the 9 Ladies Dancing thing, it reminds me of how much I LOVE musicals. I think they are the best kind of movies. Give me a musical over any other kind of film and I’m happy.

Maybe it’s because in my mind, my life is a musical – whatever – I don’t really think most movies should be made. I think taking a hard-luck story and exploiting it is wrong. I think taking a huge world catastrophe and making a movie is wrong. Most movies are about people treating other people badly. They are about hurting other people – about using violence and power to get your way.

I really think most movies are made to make money. That’s why they stink so bad. Movie stars are over-paid and they are revered for being good looking, skinny, dramatic and not really very nice to other people – and most of them do not have talent. (rant, rant, rant, I know!)

But in musicals….you HAVE to have talent – singing, dancing, playing an instrument, coordination, ALL of it – so fabulous. And I can watch them over and over. I’m not saying there’s not violence in musicals, but I think there’s so much more talent – and entertainment involved. I think the reason people don’t like musicals is that they are miserable and like to watch dark, violent, mean movies. Where’s their sunny side, their bright side, their happy feet?!

Since it’s my blog, I’m not going to end this on a fair note. I say Musicals rock – hahaa – and that’s that!

I don’t mean talking and yapping – I overachieve in that respect – I mean to let my true colors shine. I’ve always been self-conscious and afraid of really being me else people would make fun of me and reject me. If I’m not being myself and they reject me, who cares, right?

But to wear the clothes I really want to wear (I love sarongs and hats and scarves and flowers) when I don’t look like a model or it’s not “in” that season, well, that’s been a bit more challenging. But I’ve let my true nature out more and more and it makes me feel free and beautiful. Doesn’t everyone deserve to feel that way?

We just moved to Capitola – we are right in the heart of the beach village. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made (besides marrying my husband). And it has REALLY given me the confidence to be me. And what does that mean to you? Probably nothing – but to me, it means a lot. I like to look and feel pretty. I always have. I know it’s not solving world hunger or anything, but when I’m happy and feel good about myself – inside and out – then I like to help others feel the same way.

I think as women we are pitted against each other – if someone is prettier than me, she’s a threat. And I’ve seen this happen so many time. I find that to be very sad. I sure have felt that way, but that’s because I didn’t allow myself to be comfortable in my skin. When I turned 30, I started feeling so much better about myself. I started dressing more like I wanted and letting old hurts and yuckies fall away. Am I perfect now, heck no – but I’m definitely better.

I think the 2 people who are most comfortable in their skins are my mom and my mom-in-law. They are so lovely – and it’s just how they act – sure and purposeful and generous and loving. Lucky me! I feel more and more like it everyday. I used to stress about not being skinny – now I feel good so I let a lot of those worries go. I like feeling good rather than worrying about if I look good. Whew, what a relief.

I’ll continue to dance (no more somersaults on the dance floor, don’t ask) and share more of the real me. If you don’t like it, please call 1-800-idontcare and leave your feedback. I’ll be out having a hoot.

This day reminds of the importance of marching to my own drum. To find out what I am really good at and what I enjoy, and pursuing that. It means living with integrity and dignity and not to go along with the crowd just because it will be easier or ensure a promotion, a raise, recognition, acceptance and awards. I think this path is rocky and sometimes lonely and frustrating, but I think it’s better to learn who I truly am, what I want and accept myself.

Believe me, I’ve gotten in more trouble by not going along with the crowd. By being honest and telling the truth. I don’t think people really want to hear the truth – but I will tell them anyway. It’s a little selfish, I guess, because I believe in justice. But I’m trying not to be so honest and just smile and say “Oh, really…is that right….that’s interesting.” Because I don’t really know what they are going through – I want to have more compassion and less cynicism. I’ll let you know how that goes.

I struggle with accepting myself sometimes because I can find so many things wrong with myself on any given day. But I still like myself and strive to accept myself with my imperfect traits. and finding my unique purpose; and being genuine.

I think my purpose is to help people and make them smile and laugh. I think building bridges is the most important job – to build community. And though I experience a lot of hopelessness – people being rude, throwing trash, being mean, etc. – I still want to believe that most people are trying to do the same. That’s why I go to church – it’s the one place I can find where I feel more hope in one place. Like I hope everyone comes because they want to be better, find peace, and help others.

I think my other purpose is to dance.

But not now…..here’s the supporting cast of moms and a brief introduction. If you want to know them better (and I highly encourage it), watch for my book – about the real qualities of beauty as I learned them from most of these lovely ladies….
Aunt Lolly – my great aunt and inspiration for my book. She was the kindest person I ever met. She was always interested in anything you told her – she would say “Is that right” like she never heard anything like it before. I always felt important and relevant no matter what I shared with her.

Grandma Kate – my mom’s mom – who was so elegant and feisty. She reminded me of a movie star and she liked to play cards. I don’t remember her too much but I know my mom is like her – that’s why I can imagine she was as fun at my mom is.

Aunt Toni – my mom’s sister – she is always put together so nicely and is always interested in EVERYTHING you have to say. She loves the details and loves everything to look pretty – just like I do. I always imagine her looking at everything as a beautiful package – whether she is wrapping it up in gorgeous ribbons or opening the pretty paper to see what’s inside. She is always excited to see what will happen.

Aunt Carol – my dad’s sister – the most welcoming hostess I’ve ever met. Doesn’t matter what time of day or what she has to do. If there is a person in need of a place to sit down, she clears a place and welcomes everyone into her presence. Everyone is treated like a special guest. Who doesn’t love that?!

So that is the short list – this is where beauty lives – in each of these women. And they share their best qualities generously and lovingly. I’m humbled to be related to them and grateful for knowing them.